It's my belief, as a Disciplinarian, that traditional couples therapy is often not effective. That's because it fails to deal squarely on two key issues - consideration and accountability - and they're important.
Mother began teaching you, at an early age, to be nice, play fair; and to share your toys with playmates. Back then, if she caught you snatching things from your little friends hands, just to made them cry, or hit people- especially a boy hitting a girl - she took you over her knee, pulled down your underwear pants and spanked your bare bottom smartly. While, I'm sure, you didn't appreciate this at the time, you understand today the merits of generosity and fair play that your mother instilled. I believe those same lessons should apply in all the relationships in your life - including marriage.
In the beginning, marriage can be exciting; almost as if your partners are your brand new toys. But then, like everything new, their shine gets dull and what was exciting once is for granted now. You become insensitive and say whatever you like. You will not play fair, you want everything your way - no matter what - and you refuse to compromise. You may even be downright stingy and bear in mind, this goes for you both. Truth be told, it's not discussing who pushed who first which is important here - it's the lack of discipline - and that's why you both need spanking.
First: Admit to what you do to annoy each other.
Second: In front of your spouse; take your punishment.
From watching you receive your comeuppance, they can finally witness justice being served and administered without a hint of favoritism.
Even, the best therapist can be charmed by a husband and dislike a wife ( or vice versa ) but it takes two to tango. Nor will you be truly held accountable without consequences and therapists don't judge. They're trained to be passive and understand - even validate - the most willfully errant behavior. It's my opinion, saying things like, "I see and how does that make you feel" is a waste of time and sends the wrong message.
When it comes to behavioral correction, I believe that actions speak louder than words - and for couples that don't play fair, strict, impartial punishment the is equalizer required. If you've been wrong and you know it, I won't ask you how you feel. I will make it my business to know exactly how you feel. When my bare hand makes contact with your bare behind, you will feel in pain and very sorry.
One in front of the other, I'd take you over my knee, or a bench and spank your bottoms with my hand or my belt. You may get paddled, tawsed or caned as well, and the implement used will all depend on the deed.
You've now gotten to observe while your partner is punished. You are validated, vindicated and satisfied that justice is served. More importantly however, simultaneous punishment at the hands of a Disciplinarian, is a bonding experience which actually strengthens the relationship.
Because enduring corporal punishment on your behave, is perhaps the most sincere expression of apology. The two of you leave connected, affectionate and more inclined to "play nice" than ever before.
Then you can compare your well spanked and nicely burning bottoms.
That's couple therapy that works.
Georgia Cane: Disciplinarian